I love it when God just sorta kinda maybe lets me do my own thing for a little while and then brings a little clarity to what Im doing so that my perspective can be transformed and I can walk in the true hope and the true freedom that is found in Jesus Christ!
In times of disappointment, we wonder why we are disappointed. Simple enough, right? We didnt get what we wanted and we wonder why. I say things like "Well i thought i was seeking the Lord on this one" or "I had peace about this" and then at the outcome of a situation, i am left shaking my head at my decisions. But this thinking process is completely wrong and shows how ignorant I am in matters concerning our huge amazing God.
I am disappointed because I have expectations that i want God to follow. I expect that when i seek him in a matter that it should work out the way that i want it to. We all know the phrase, for every action there is a reaction. But what we dont take into consideration is the amazing omnipotence of our mighty God who controls the world and knows everything. Seems quite easy to leave out an important concept like that, wouldnt you agree? I treat God like a gumball machine. I put my quarter in, turn the knob, and expect a gumball.
About a year and a half ago I left the Honor academy with the expectation to get an amazing job and to go change the world. I ended up working at a crappy part-time job, had no community, and no relationship with God. I thought.....i went to the honor academy (obeying God)...i came to virginia (obeying God) and now im completely miserable! Then God sent me an angel from heaven, whose name is Missy Harrell. She was my mentor in high school and I ran into her while she was getting on a ferry to Ocracoke. I told her of my dilemma and she shared with me her great wisdom. She told me that I was living with my expectations of God instead of living in expectancy of God! I was like, "you seriously gotta explain this concept to me cause i dont get it." She said that I put God in a box and set what I want above what God has planned for me and that is why i live in disappointment. Then she went on to tell me that living in expectancy is a way of completely trusting in God, knowing that He is moving and working according to His plans. Never thought about it that way.
So when I rub my Jesus lamp and present my three wishes, i automatically set myself up for disappointment, for there is no trust in my heart. But when I lay all things at the foot of the cross and choose to trust God to move in mighty ways, I surrender my expectations and live in the expectancy of God. God is moving and working and he does love me! I expect God to do things but expectancy leaves out the how, when, and wheres. this is the secret of a content life! Whether sun or rain, feast or famine, riches or poverty, a man who is expectant of a mighty God will never be disappointed for he does not consult his desires, yet gives them over to the will of a loving Father. What a way to live! To never be disappointed because something didnt work out yet to keep running the race, from glory to glory, in reckless abandonment, trusting an all-seeing God. Oh that i would have the faith to run with a content heart.
So i gave it all back to Jesus today. I was clinging to the hope i had in my expectations and it was hindering me from moving on. My grasp was firmly on the "What if's" and "How comes" without allowing me to see what God was planning.
I still dont know exactly why things happen, i catch glimpses every now and then, but I trust in a God that doesnt make mistakes, and takes my mistakes and turns them into Glory. Praise God for Redemption and Hope. Let me be content in all things Lord.
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